My brother told me when I was 23 that there were no such thing as a secret because every best friend has a best friend. We tested this hypothesis once when we worked at the same school. We both decided upon a story to share with someone and we told that person that it was a secret that should not be shared. I am, here, unfortunately, to tell you that it took no longer than 5 hours for someone to share that very secret with me and for someone to tell that very secret with my brother.
So you might feel that this posting is not uplifting, and I am not trying to imply that you should not trust people, which this example might indicate. It IS true that whenever you share, you should not be surprised when it is shared with someone else. Yet, this notion can help keep us honest, and consistently move us towards the goal of being our best selves. In essence, when you share, ask yourself why you are sharing, what is the purpose, are you trying to be helpful, to make better a situation. If what you share is shared with someone other than who you shared it with, will you be ok with that? If not, rethink what you say or how you say it. Honesty and telling the truth are not necessarily the same thing. We all have things that come to our minds that quite frankly we should keep to ourselves.
Saying it Out Loud so you can keep it In Mind!
What does it mean to feel like you have a voice?
When i was 25 (some 23 years ago now) i was sitting at Ham’s restaurant in Greensboro, North Carolina with a good friend. I was stuck in this mental state of believing that no one cared what I had to say-even though my friends, co-workers and family would ask me what I thought. I lead myself to believe that they asked me what I thought because that was the “nice” thing to do, but that they didn’t really care. All of a sudden, and I don’t know why, I realized that it was me who needed to decide whether I had a voice or not and if my voice mattered. In essence, it was an internal thing – not an external thing. I don’t know what I was hoping for; that Oprah would call me to tell me I was brilliant and the whole world would want to know what I had to say.— Probably not going to happen!
Some people think that the indicator of voice heard is only when things go your way. This is wrong! – And since I said you are wrong if you believe that, does it mean I didn’t hear your voice. No it does not. In a world where there are multiple voices and multiple opinions, if you believe that the only way your voice is important and matters is when things go your way, you will live a very unhappy life.
There are also those that will say I like to listen. This is a good thing – but not at the expense of not sharing your voice. In fact, I would go so far as to say it’s unfair if you only listen and do not share. There needs to be a balance of sharing and listening for all of us.
So Sing Your Life! The rest of us would like to hear it! And, yes, listen every now and then too!