Rules–what are they, who made them, who gets to decide and should you follow any or all of them. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and in fact, talked in a graduation speech about how we should not be intimidated by others people’s rules. Of course, there are some we can’t get out of–getting a ticket for going over the speed limit, stealing from a store. In essence, laws to which we will be held responsible no matter are thinking. Then there are rules and ways of being that others establish but are made up by them based on there sense of what is right and what is wrong. How does one decide if those ways of being are justifiable, make sense, and if you should follow them. At times, others will decide you should follow them lest you hurt their feelings, or step outside of the bounds that they have established are “correct.”
I would like to offer this. At times, you will hurt others feelings by not following their rules. This does not mean that you have violated any code of conduct. You will at times play games by different rules, so your boundary lines will be different but I can think of a lot of games that people play with different rules; none of which are harmful to others (spades or what fun is, for example)
My suggestion: decide for yourself what the rules are, your way of being and where the lines are drawn for you. Authenticity is the name of the game–whatever that means for you. You simply have to be willing to endure any consequences of your way. You might find at times this will cost you loss of friendship, frustration, and even grief. And yet, you might also find that it will bring you new friendships, excitement, and enlightenment.
If you haven’t had a chance to read or watch the Hunger Games, I recommend that you do. yes there is some violence but the movie and book are not about that. Thgere is so much to unravel. I would like to focus on the part that asks this question:
How do you maintain integrity in a system that requires (and there is no choice) you to engage in behaviors that you think are wrong so that you can survive another day?
I am not going to write about it but I would love your thoughts about this?
What I do know, however, is that in someone way, we all do this to some degree everyday–
I completely missed last Monday’s blog posting, In fact, i didn’t even remember until Thursday that I hadn’t written one.
Wikepedia defines Habits as:
routines of behavior that are repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously. Habit formation is the process by which a behavior becomes habitual. As behaviors are repeated in a consistent context, there is an incremental increase in the link between the context and the action
How do we go about changing habits so that they become subconcious…automatic. Here are five easy steps you can take to make it happen.
1. Enlist someone else to hold you accountable and to help you remember. Although your habit change should be for you and because you want to change it, not for someone else. And because you believe it will enhance your life.
2. Write it down–on a post it note, your calendar, the mirror in your bathroom. It doesn’t matter where–except that you must see it without having to look for it.
3. At the beginning, it might be wise to pick a scheduled time to change the habit. While flexibility is good, it makes it harder to change the habit.
4. Identify ways to celebrate the success of your habit. For example, you might want to set a goal that says, “when I am successful for three months, I…., whatever it is that makes you feel rewarded.”
5. Give yourself a break if you make a mistake. Everyday is a new day. Just because you mess up, doesn’t mean you can’t begin again.